three times a bridesmaid

So you’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid, now what? Past posts lead you through the always gratifying, and sometimes mortifying bridesmaid experience.

How to make a wedding day survival kit

November 19th, 2008

When I first prepared to walk down the aisle in bride No. 1’s wedding, I had no clue what being a bridesmaid entailed. Luckily for me, the bride, Rose, was determined to have a by the book wedding. She read numerous Web sites, books, and magazines to make sure she participated in every tradition and knew everyone’s role.

I signed up for creating a survival kit, what I thought was a manageable task. Unfortunately, Rose decided her maid of honor should take over the kit on the big day. She left the carefully put-together package at the church. Rose’s maid of honor was a flake, but gave me much material for a future bad bridesmaids post. We quickly learned what was necessity in a wedding day survival kit and spent much of the reception tracking down those items.

Items to include in a brides survival kit:

• tissues, lots of crying on wedding days.
• double-sided tape, Rose ended up flashing a few startled guests until we tracked this down.
• hair pins, for hair emergencies.
• a disposable camera, you can never have too many cameras at a wedding.
• band aids, a must in any type of kit.
• aspirin or pain reliever, weddings are loud and stressful so headaches are inevitable.
• clear finger nail polish, stop those panty hose runs.
• blister-relief band aids, why are all cute shoes uncomfortable?
• main makeup products used by the bride, don’t forget to show touch-up materials into the kit after the bride gets dolled up.
• lip balm, who wants chapped lips on their wedding day?
• non-smelling body lotion, to keep the bride feeling beautiful and happy.
• paper and a pen, bride no. 2 wrote her vows the day of, and she ended up having to use a napkin after we couldn’t track down a piece of paper.

Update: Reader suggestions, such great ideas

• a snack, as Eryn from the Homeschooled Year pointed out, the bride might be so busy greeting guests she might not get to enjoy the catered meal.
• hairspray, as Whitney from That Girl reminded me, it serves double duty for hair and panty hose emergencies.
• emergency nail kit, another great suggestion from Whitney.
• a straw, yet another of Whitney’s ideas, so the bride doesn’t have to worry about spills.

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I can’t afford to be a bridesmaid, can I say no?

November 8th, 2008

Luckily, the question is theoretical for me. But, with the constant bad news coming out about the economy, made me wonder how it’s effecting bridesmaids.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post estimating bridesmaid wedding costs to be around $700 a wedding. My first two weddings cost me less, but the third wedding will be way over that budget, and I’ve started saving early.

I thought about what would happen if another friend else asked me to be a bridesmaid while I was putting back every penny for my sister’s wedding in 2010. Could I say no citing money sources? Friendship is supposed to be priceless. But, shouldn’t my friend understand financial struggles?

I researched the common etiquette to the rules of turning down a request to be a bridesmaid and found this common sense list of reasons you can turn down a request, including money restraints, from The Bridesmaid’s Survival Guide. I’ll paraphrase below:

1. If you can’t afford the bridesmaid wardrobe demands.
2. The wedding is out of state.
3. You’re asked by someone who isn’t a good friend.
4. You have family/work commitments, like having a baby, traveling a lot of state for work.

I would fear my friendship wouldn’t last after this blow to the bride. So, I thought I’d dig up the best advice for graciously turning down a request, and unfortunately, didn’t come up with a great resource. A compilation from the sites I visited.

1. Tell the bride early, don’t procrastinate as easy as it may seem.
2. Be honest about the reason (hopefully one of those above). You’ll feel better and avoid awkwardness if the bride catches you in a lie later.
3. Suggest another wedding day role. Offer to go shopping or make decorations with the bride.

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Helping your bride plan for the worst

After much searching your bride found a venue she likes and managed to lock in the date. But, in all the excitement over the venue, the two of you overlooked a major conference in town, an important life event, or the unexpected natural disaster arises.

Brainstorming tonight, I realized all three of my brides had something in common. Each deal with the unexpected outside event when planning their wedding.

Thought I’d share their stories and how we dealt with it. Hopefully, no one encounters any of these, but after going three for three with huge problems cropping up, I’ve learned to always learn to deal with the unexpected.

Problem No. 1: Bride No. 1, Rose, booked the church and venue only to find out a conference, taking place across from the church, was slated for the same weekend. Parking was already limited, and soon we realized guests were in for a mile hike just to see the nuptials.

Solution No. 1: The bride’s parents did most of the work on this one. They hired shuttle buses to bring guests from the reception site to the church, and back from the church to the recital site. The shuttle coordination was a bit of a pain, but all went smoothly.

Problem No. 2: Bride No 2, Erin, was engaged for over three years, and caught some flake for it. But, her excuse was good, she planned a wedding in New Orleans, before Hurricane Katrina. Luckily, she didn’t put down any deposits.

Solution No. 2: The only fix for this besides postponing her wedding for five years was to get married in her small home town. Well not the party she planned, her laid back attitude helped her pull of a gorgeous wedding in a non-ideal location.

Problem No. 3: Bride No. 2, Kim, was pretty far into the planning process, looking at venue telling families and friends she was getting married Fall of 2009 when her fiance and her realized that wedding date meant he would be taking her boards, they would be moving in together, she would possibly be switchingjobs, and they would be getting married, all in one month. Just typing all of that was stressful!

Solution No. 3: Given how important taking the boards were, the two decided enough was enough and postponed their wedding to June 2010. Kim was dissapointed at first, but now, with her love for planning, is relishing the extra preperation time.

Lesson learned: Console your bride when needed, but stress the importance to remain flexible.

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What’s this going to cost me? A guide to bridesmaid expenses

October 27th, 2008

I came across a U.S. News and World Report article, Always a Bridesmaid? It Gets Expensive, that made me want to add up the financial hit my three weddings will give my pocketbook and do some research to see just what a bridesmaid buys for the big day.

The article quotes a stat from TheKnot.com estimating a bridesmaid spends about $700 on a wedding.  To some that might seem like pocket change, but I, like millions of Americans, live paycheck to paycheck.

Luckily, my first two weddings weren’t as pricey. Bride No. 1 bought our dresses as her bridesmaid presents. But, still with accesories, party planning, and other costs, I still easily spent $300.

Bride No. 2 allowed us to pick a simple black dress. I found one for about $20 that worked, but her wedding was out of town, and again I spent about $300.

I think I got off pretty easily, but that won’t be the case with Bride No. 3. Kim is my sister so of course I want to pull out all the stops and give her the best bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding day ever.

We’re planning a bachelorette party in Las Vegas, and she’s planning a Brooklyn wedding. Travel and accomadation costs alone will run in the thousands. I’ve started saving, and maybe I’ll put all blog profits toward the cause.

I’m fairly financially stable right now, but can’t imagine doing this a few years ago when I was fresh out of college and fresh out of extra cash.

If you’re about to be a bridesmaid for the first time, or a bride to be, I’ve collected a list of bridesmaids financial responsibilities, and do hope you’ll chip in your own ideas about how this should work:

Dress: $200

Alterations: $75

Undergarments (You always need something in this department): $30

Hair, nails, makeup: $150

Shower gifts: $50

Contribution to bachelorette party: $70

Contribution to bridal shower: $50

Wedding gift: $100

Travel/Accommodations: Vary widely from $100 to thousands of dollars.

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